October 7th 2015 – Crave

October 7th 2015, Wednesday

Crave what I can’t have
Desire something bad
My mind needs to be free
I can’t help myself
It’s all I can see

 

What about us
What about you
What about me
What happened
Where do you go to get away from yourself
There’s no escape from the personal torment
Where do you hide when the terror is inside
Do you hear that
There’s this silent tap
tap tap tap
that’s going on
where do you hide
where do you come from
where are you noise
why is the silence so loud
in between your absence
each time you sound
the space inbetween grows longer
longer,    longer,         longer
where do you hide
where do you come from
how can I keep going
when you’re a constant come and go
my mind at your every whim
how do I keep working onward
when you come back
tap tap tap
and distract distract distract
You are such a sweet relief
You give my heart some belief
In something pure
In a world that could be good
In a world filled with “I should”
However, it’s rarely “I did”
I guess that’s each man’s own sin
Which is where we each should begin
Let us grow
Help us know
Lord, let us show
The good in a simple truth
No matter how old
Or if we’re put down for our youth
Your Word will be told
Drifting down into myself
Set the beat and let me flow
I am going going, don’t stop me I’m on the go
Close my eyes and I’m falling downward
But I’m flying upward all at the same time
The up and down motion keeps me trapped inside
Why would I go out when I can go so much father
Right here inside this head, lying down here in this bed
Don’t call me crazy, maybe I’m just a little too deep
For you and your words for your words to be able to seep
Into my mind waves, they toss and turn, carry me away
Somewhere new, this anywhere but here syndrome
Without even moving my feet
Just nodding my head to this beat
beat beat beat deep inside, deep in the grind
Fall fall fall away and let’s pretend to live forever
At least until this song ends, take my hand
Maybe we can sink into the sand
Perhaps we could just get lost out there
Anywhere anyhow

 

Let me understand, Lord
Let me see what you want me to know
Please, oh please let my heart understand what went wrong overall
I broke his heart when I left and now he’s breaking mine
And I can’t blame him. He’s right. We’re not together anymore so why should he talk to me? Or thank me for praying for him or wishing him happy birthday. He doesn’t like my hair. So what? What does his opinion matter of my hair or soul or spirit? Nothing anymore. He has no control over me anymore. Except I want to write but all I do is revolve around him. What if I gave him up completely? Erased him from my life and moved on? Could I? OF COURSE I CAN WHY COULDN’T I? HE HAS. I don’t want to. That’s why it’s so hard. I’m not one to give up. Except for the two times I gave up… Yeah, I gave up when I shouldn’t have but I knew it was the right thing to do and I still believe I did the right thing even though I miss him more than the moon misses the sky line at the coming of dawn. Why Lord do I miss him so much? Why can’t I just let go of him, of his voice and memory? Of his dreams and music? How do I grow through the tears? How do I grow? I’m growing, I’m takin care of myself. I wait and wait and wait, and wait I shall for peace.

 

~ L’ren Knorr

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